As the world in crisis and the art market gets out of control, Ace Art-World consultant Chen & Lampert offers a quiz full of tough choices American Art Readers from afar.
Today, every art dealer from Tribeca to Basel is timed in a 7-minute mileage, posting Strava maps similar to Agnes Martin’s grid and announcing running as their “new meditation.” Is this a real health condition or another art world performance work? Take this quiz to help you determine that you should lace up or avoid this latest trend.
1. What are the main reasons why you consider running?
a) Body and mind stay aligned towards higher awareness and positive lifestyle
b) The ghosts need to be accelerated at the opening
c) Prepare groin injury to make artists and collectors blue
2. How do you feel about the morning?
a) Still asleep at the best time of the day
b) With cocaine, it’s actually just the sunshine last night
c) Safe time to exit the basement
3. Your preferred running shoes are…
A) Hoka
b) Brooks
C) Ferragamo wing studs
4. What is your playlist like?
a) charli xcx
b) Artnet podcast
c) Yoko screams bloody murder
5. What are your biggest concerns about running?
a) Tibial splint
b) Shorts
c) Conversation about your own cocktail
6. Where do you imagine yourself six months later?
a) Join my gallery partner in the half marathon
b) Selling running equipment for ketamine fund on Poshmark
c) Stroke on the running path of the west highway
7. How do you hydrate after running?
a) guzzle Gatorade
b) Glass of gin martini
c) plugged blood and/or urine
8. What do you think of “runners’ height”?
a) Sales art feeling equal to joy
b) Provide a sense of accomplishment and agency, which is rarely seen in daily life
c) Compared with eight balls in Celsius
9. What pictures will you post on social media after running?
a) Rock Balboa Victory Pose at the Top of the Steps of the Whitney Museum
b) Close-up of sweat with title “Mixed Media”
c) A work available in Basel
10. How will you celebrate completing the first 10K?
a) Exit the Art World and become a full-time supermarathon teacher
b) Six months of hospital accommodation to make it a lifelong FJK debilitating pain
c) Make a statement about your achievements through a gallery PR consultant
Fraction:
10–16: Have your assistant run with your application and ask for its numbers as your daily activities. Blame your weight gain because you have to eat regularly with an Italian collector who is killing your workout.
17–23: End every Burger King game where you swallowed Texas double whopper on Instagram Live. Provocatively show the art world the trend you are willing to follow each trend, but you have to do it your way.
24–30: The same tough running as you are in the gallery business. Stocking for HGH, performance enhancers, young plasma and genetic boosters so you can dominate the field.
